She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
