My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize