I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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