she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
