Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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