I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
