I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
