Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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