That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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