You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this just has baby written all over it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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