your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at about main and main street
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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