drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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