I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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