So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
