I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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