I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
