I'm really into asian looking animals
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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