do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
