I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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