Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
