my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
