I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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