The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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