New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
