Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
