We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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