i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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