it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
