If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
