I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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