I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
