He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
