so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
