just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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