Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
