My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
