i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
