Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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