There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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