didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
