Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
