Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
