plz talk dirty to me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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