I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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