I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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