Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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