Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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