Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
