the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
