i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
