why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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