Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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