It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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