I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
