Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
