i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You don't make any sense
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