i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize