did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
