He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
