If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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