You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
