my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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