are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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